Every night over the last 2.5 years I have held Noah before bed. Each time I try to take a mental picture of what he looks and feels like at that moment. Examining his little facial features, his feet, hands and little limbs. Especially those eyes. Bedtime isn't easy for this boy. He requires 1 hour typically of attention. I justify every time to myself by thinking this is an opportunity to cherish the moment that I will never get back. Sad? Yes because life unfortunately erases the ability to capture the exact emotions or warmth of that moment. So now Frances is here and requires a little less bedtime help but wants to be held all the time. I find myself putting her down or stuffing her into the carrier wrap, scurrying around to get one more laundry basket put away, one more meal done, dish washed, or craft project done. This is also sad.
Yes life must go on but after last few weeks with Tsunami scares and realities for those in Japan, I am questioning the value in all the crap I do daily. I love my newest crafts (stayed tuned for postings of my latest work) but I wonder if I am wasting my time with material or (mortal) items of pure temporal value, when I should be looking and talking with my children every waking moment.
This in theory sounds great but I suppose we would live in a mess and wouldn't eat. It is not easy. I struggle daily with what is important. What I can say is that I try and to my sadness my kids are growing before my eyes and I feel like I can't possibly appreciate them enough. How did I get so blessed with these beautiful children of god. I only hope I can raise them the way the lord would want me to.
